The Return of the Screwball: II

II

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Upon the conclusion of my narrated endeavor, with palpable haste, I hastened homeward, propelled by an inexorable désir to glean further insights into the enigmatic locale that had so profoundly engrossed my imagination. My being, enraptured by les secrets cachés concealed within the shrouded recesses of that ever so quaint crevasse, was impelled towards unraveling the veil that cloaked her cavernous essence.

To my astonishment and serendipitous fortune, the repository of my search yielded an unexpected bounty – the hallowed archives of the Crystal Crevice Crier, the authoritative purveyor of tidings that permeated the very air of that secluded realm. The existence of such a source of information, in itself, spoke volumes of the uniqueness and inscrutability that veiled the hamlet in question.

The narrator delving into sepia-tinged annals. Photo: Wonder AI

As I delved into the sepia-tinged annals of this venerable chronicle, the delicate wisps of history unfurled like tendrils of a spectral tale, recounting events long past but now imbued with renewed vitalité. Verily, the prose danced before mine eyes, cascading gracefully like a gossamer veil, draped upon the whispers of a bygone era.

The Crystal Crevice Crier, with its venerable masthead, weathered parchment, and délicieux tagline – to wit, ‘We don’t let anything fall through the cracks!’ – emerged as a veritable witness to the ebb and flow of the hamlet’s fortunes. Its incantatory columns conjured a vivid tableau of erstwhile episodes: accounts of ethereal apparitions haunting the misty paths, nocturnal fêtes amidst flickering candelabras and bare bear arms, and clandestine encounters of erstwhile paramours beneath the shadows of her fearsomely luscious rock walls.

Within its hallowed pages, I perceived the pulse of the hamlet’s sacred heart, the rhythmic cadence of her existence, and the interplay of her eccentric denizens like characters upon a grand stage. It was as though the very ink on the yellowed leaves sang with a soft resonance, whispering secrets and insinuations of forgotten intrigues.

In that secluded haven of the printed word, the Crier bequeathed unto me a compendium of evanescent memories, a glimpse into the manifold tapestry of human existence woven within her precincts. Its words, like incantations, unfurled the veil of her past, prompting an urge to forge bonds with the spirits that once danced upon those very grounds.

Alas, my scrutiny was unyielding, for every parchment leaf turned disclosed further mystères, each revelation tempting me to wade deeper into the dimly lit alleys of her history. Ephemeral echoes of moments bygone reverberated, urging me to trace their origin to the depths of time.

As the hours waned and the evening stars emerged to punctuate the sable sky, I remained ensconced amidst the old tomes, pursuing the essence of that esoteric realm through the manifold chronicles of the Crier. My fascination deepened, my inquisitiveness further piqued, and with each passing moment, I felt ever more tethered to the entrancing enigma that was this hamlet mystérieux.

Having perused the missive in question with an avidity seldom reserved for such modern ephemera, I embarked upon the gustatory indulgence of a footlong frankfurter, a most unconventional but not entirely displeasing combination, I must confess. As I partook of this humble repast, my senses were assailed by the delectable piquancy of a cooked and pickled condiment, whose lively tang did much to enliven the otherwise unassuming viands. Thus did I find myself in the midst of a peculiar fusion of intellectual stimulation and culinary rêverie, an experience I shall not soon forget in the least ! Verily, the concatenation of literature and culinary pleasures might be deemed eccentric by some, yet for me, it proved to be an encounter both memorable and gratifying.

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Having finished my repast, I turned out the light, my hunger gloriously sated by having consumed both hot dog and The Crier with relish.

The Return of the Screwball: I

I

31 October 2022

Darkness falls across the land.
The midnight hour, ’tis close at hand !
Creatures crawl in search of blood
to terrorize your neighbor-hud !
And whosoever shall be foun’
without the soul for gettin’ down
must stand and face the hounds of hell
and rot inside a corpse’s shell !

“Seriously? A dramatic reading of Thriller’s the best he can do? I’m gonna settle up and go scare some trick-or-treaters. Coco, you wanna come?”

“I think I’m gonna stay, Missy. The assistant to the assistant production assistant at Show Me the Moves is supposed to give a free Michael Jackson dance tutorial later, and I’m looking for something to liven up my Zombie Zumba class.

“Okay, well, good luck with that. See you later.”

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In the bygone era of countless moons past, one All Hallows Eve, it was my grave misfortune to encounter for the first time this most improbable duo amidst a desolate and forsaken [AI Boost OFF] literary abyss whose pitifully wretched and wretchedly pitiful proprietress – une vraie scatologue ! – had regrettably baptized, The Writer’s Colon. It was within the confines of my mellow, dramatic reading – an earnest recital of Gray’s Anatomy – at this darkly abysmal – nay, abysmally dark – hole [AI Boost ON] where the paths of our lives tragically intersected and our acquaintance came to be.

In the midst of intoning the intricate tomes of Gray, in the sacred realm of Book 1, Osteology, a revelation most peculiar unfolded. As the persistent hum of hair dryers intermingled with that most sacred prose, I found myself irresistibly drawn into this most improbable duo’s mind-numbing yet mesmerizing conversation with two [AI Boost OFF] dubiously christened dysarthric androgynous Terranean burkini models [AI Boost ON] and, by virtue of’t, drawn deeper into the esoteric demi-monde of in-crowd skeletondom. Amidst this pursuit, an enigmatic place revealed itself like a distantly elusive and elusively distant vision.

It was within this intellectual rêverie that, to my astonishment, the existence of a hitherto unknown realm emerged – the beguiling domain of Crystal Crevice. A name that stirred curiosity and intrigue [AI Boost OFF] – not to mention un petit soupçon of bemusement – [AI Boost ON] resonating within the chambers of my inquisitive mind. What secrets did this crevasse mystérieuse hold? What wonders awaited those intrepid enough to [AI Boost OFF] scale her sublime cliffs and seek her hidden truths?

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Thus, Dear Reader, the clamorous setting of a bustling literal salon and the seemingly mundane and divergent contexts of scholarly discourse and coiffurerie proved to be the vessel that unveiled this enigmatic locale. Such is the unpredictable nature of knowledge, casting its illuminating rays upon the unexpected corners of our consciousness, where the ordinary and extraordinary converge in the most unexpected and [AI Boost OFF] rib-tickling ways.