Dale was an ordinary rat.
Took cheese, gnawed things…stuff like that.
His addiction to garbage
extended to carbage,
'til one of those cars left him flat!

Butterscotch Chip’s rat sidekick, Dale makes his debut on October 20, 2016, in the first of several vignettes that he will eventually join in Hanging with Mr. Funny Bones (2016). He is the first Mr. Funny Bones character to make Instagram, disguised as a googly-eyed Adolf Hitler on February 7, 2017. He plays supporting roles in Mr. Funny Bones Back to Skull (2017) and Mr. Funny Bones on the Attack! (2020). He is one of several characters named in Little Hope: A Minor Tragedy: A Mr. Funny Bones Long Short Story (2019). Although not mentioned by name, he is invoked in 5:3 of Blind Allie: A Mr. Funny Bones Tragicomedy (2021). His most important role to date is as a suspect in Dead on a Rival: The Case of the Crock-Pot Killer (2018), where his tendencies to chew on things,  take the cheese, and get into people’s garbage link him to a left leg and foot discovered in a crock-pot of creamy chipped beef.

Rich was no certified dentist.
That dirty old clown was a “clentist.”
‘Til he strapped on a jock
that blew off his cock,
leaving a hole thrice the size of his clen-fist!

Dirty Rich the Clown Dentist first appears on September 29, 2020, in Chapter 5 of Missy Impossible: A Mr. Funny Bones Thriller (2019-), the only unfinished classic in the Mr. Funny Bones canon. A self-described clentist (i.e. clown dentist) lacking any formal dental education, Dirty Rich is either high on nitrous oxide (i.e. laughing gas), engaging in espionage, or selling street opioids when not practicing clentistry (i.e. clown dentistry). He disguises himself as a priest in Blind Allie: A Mr. Funny Bones Comitragedy (2021) and persuades the main character, Allie (a mermaid skeleton with chickpeas for eyes), to spawn instead of having her gonads surgically removed, a decision that ultimately results in her re-death. He has a walk-on role in Pandemonium: A Mr. Funny Bones Days of Our Past Lives COVID-19 Reunion (2020). The main antagonist in The Return of the Screwball: A Mr. Funny Bones Gothic Novelty (with AI Boost) (2024), Dirty Rich terrorizes the shamlet (i.e. shithole of a hamlet) of Crystal Crevice as he stealthily searches for a missing fentanyl shipment using covertly engineered athletic supporters as transport.

Missy, to shut up her mom,
reluctantly went to her prom.
She shoulda said “fuck it,”
“This dress, imma chuck it!”
God knows who planted that bomb.

The daughter of Nurse Janet and Brad the Surgeon supposedly conceived in a gravy boat, Missy the Prom Queen first appears on Instagram on September 17, 2017, with her Mediterranean boyfriend, Cruz Chip, in the retronymic series, Days of Our Past Lives (2017-2018). Missy quickly gains notoriety for showing her pubic symphysis in public, which her mother insists is merely Missy’s demeanor and not a felony. She plays a Missing Skeletons Hotline (MiSH) operator twice: first in Dead on a Rival: The Case of the Crock-Pot Killer (2018) and again in the eponymous thriller, Missy Impossible: A Mr. Funny Bones Thriller (2019-; unfinished), in which, as a graduate of the Parisian Madame de Boneville’s École Supérieure de l’Espionage for Girls, she simultaneously works at the MiSH and pursues a gang of Terranean wildlife traffickers. She calls out sexism in Mr. Funny Bones on the Attack! (2020) and plays Allie’s outspoken best friend and swim teammate in Blind Allie: A Mr. Funny Bones Tragicomedy (2021). She plays supporting roles in Make Room for Joy: A Mr. Funny Bones Flash Fiction Challenge (2022), Make Room 4 Joy AI: An Epic Poem (2024), and The Return of the Screwball: A Mr. Funny Bones Gothic Novelty (with AI Boost) (2024). She appears briefly in Pandemonium: A Mr. Funny Bones Days of Our Past Lives COVID-19 Reunion (2020). Missy is one of several characters named in Little Hope: A Minor Tragedy: A Mr. Funny Bones Long Short Story (2019).

Janet, a bottle blonde nurse,
kept nips and hair dye in her purse.
One day down with flu,
she mixed up the two,
and left work in the back of a hearse!

Nurse Janet first appears in an intense emergency room exchange with her husband, Brad the Surgeon, concerning the fate of Rosemary’s baby in the retronymic Instagram series, Days of Our Past Lives (2017-2018). One of Mr. Funny Bones’s most popular characters, Nurse Janet is also one of the most versatile. Her roles as ER nurse and anti-immigrant crusader in Days; president of the Days’ Thespian Lounge; confidante to Chief Birdy-go Chip in Dead on a Rival: The Case of the Crock-Pot Killer (2018); loving wife, mother, and Carly Simon fan in Missy Impossible: A Mr. Funny Bones Thriller (2019-; unfinished); and her appearances in both Mr. Funny Bones on the Attack! (2020) and Pandemonium: A Mr. Funny Bones Days of Our Past Lives COVID-19 Reunion (2020) speak to her exceptional range as a dead actress. A leaked copy of her and Brad’s private sex tape, A Morbid Affair (2017), first surfaces in Mr. Funny Bones Back to Skull (2017) and reappears in Missy Impossible as the signature feature of the Gays of Hormuz’s fundraiser at Crystal Crevice Creek Resort. Nurse Janet is one of several Mr. Funny Bones characters named in Little Hope: A Minor Tragedy: A Mr. Funny Bones Long Short Story (2019).

There once was a surgeon named Brad,
a harsh spouse and impossible dad.
His wife, to get even,
laced chipped beef with cheese in.
T’was the last dish that he ever had!

Appearing in early September 2017 in the retronymic Instagram series, Days of Our Past Lives (2017-2018)—first with Rosemary, then with a mushroom, then a carrot, and then a goose—Brad the Surgeon is Nurse Janet’s husband, Missy the Prom Queen’s father, Mother Chip’s son, and the only character in the Mr. Funny Bones pantheon who likes crock pot creamy chipped beef and cheese made with ground beef. He plays walk-on roles in Dead on a Rival: The Case of the Crock-Pot Killer (2018; chapter 16) and Pandemonium: A Mr. Funny Bones Days of Our Past Lives COVID-19 Reunion (2020). Brad is one of several characters named in Little Hope: A Minor Tragedy: A Mr. Funny Bones Long Short Story (2019).