Missy Impossible, Chapter 1

 

“Missing Skeletons Hotline. How may I direct your call?”

“Missy, it’s your mother.”

“Oh… Hi Nurse Janet. It’s Coco.”

“Oh, goodness me! Hi Coco. You’d think after eighteen years I’d recognize my own daughter’s voice. How are you, dear?”

“I’m fine, Nurse Janet. Missy’s right here. Hold on.”

“Hello.”

“Missy, it’s your mother. Listen, darling. Your father and I are going down to Crystal Crevice for the rest of the week. There’s some leftover creamy chipped beef and cheese in the fridge that you can heat up for dinner after work, okay?”

“Gross! That stuff tastes like dog shit.”

“Now, Missy, don’t be impossible! I know it does, but your father likes it. Just swallow it down with some strong coffee like I do. Anyway, we’ll call you when we get there.”

“Alright, mother. Gotta get back to work.”

“Okay, dear. Ta-ta.”

“Ta.”

“Hey, so do you want to stay over at my house and watch a movie or something? My parents are going out of town. Ugh. Wait a minute.”

“Missing Skeletons Hotline. How may I direct your call?”

“Hi Coco. It’s Missy’s mother again. Can you put her back on the line?”

“It’s me, mother.”

“Oh, hi dear. I forgot to tell you to pick up your room after dinner. The new housekeeper’s coming tomorrow morning.”

“Fine.”

“Ta-ta.”

“Get a load of this. I have to pick up my room before the new housekeeper comes. Isn’t that what she’s supposed to do?”

“For real.”

“Anyway… Oh, Jesus. Hold on…”

“WHAT IS IT NOW, MOTHER?!! Oh, sorry, sir. Missing Skeletons Hotline. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Have you looked in the closets? Call us back if you still can’t find her. Bye. Anyway, Coco… JESUS!!! STOP BLOWIN’ UP MY PHONE!!! Missing Skeletons Hotline. How may I direct your call? Check your closets first and call us back if you still can’t find her.”

“Missy, you didn’t just unplug that switchboard, did you?”

“Oh yes, I did. They’ll call again if it’s urgent. Oh my God I LOVE this song! You be Beyoncé and I’ll be Gagaloo.”

“You’re only assigning me Beyoncé because you recognize we’re both women of substance, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thought so.”