“The shock of the transplant was bad enough, Birdy. And the humiliation of having his first name revealed almost did him in. Can you imagine trying to maintain a bad-boy image with a name like Butterscotch? Once the word got out, everyone laughed and called him names and, from that point on, they never let poor Chip join in any of their games. He nearly fell apart. It was painful to watch. He’s been in seclusion ever since.” [Cf. Gene Autry, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1949), written by Johnny Marks (1949), based on the story of the same name by Robert L. May (1939)]
“Why the transplant, Nurse Janet?”
“He’d overeaten at the screening of that movie the KGB had hacked last season. I think it was called Mr. Funny Bones Back to Skull or something ludicrous like that. Popcorn, pizza, a hot fudge sundae, and a turkey with all the trimmings. It was too much. We gave him a transplant to help him feel better.”
“Do you know where he is now?”
“Yes, Birdy, I do. I’ll tell you, but please, please, please call him Chip. Don’t call him Butterscotch. He’ll fall to pieces if you do. He’s still fragile, poor kitten.”
“Understood. Lovely tulips, by the way.”
“Why, thank you. I brought them back from Amsterdam. Brad says they’re garish, but I like them just the way they are. Thank you, too, for that crock-pot creamy chipped beef and cheese recipe. I think Brad will love it.”
“Well, I guess there’s no accounting for taste in either flowers or food now, is there? Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“You, too, Birdy. Ta-ta.”
Mr. Funny Bones 
3 thoughts on “DOA, Chapter 15”